How God made me smile today

As those of you who read this blog know, I'm afraid to fly. We are flying tomorrow. It is supposed to be rainy/stormy when we leave. I've been fighting spiritually all week plus I'm premenstral, which heightens any and all emotion. This morning I was having a hard time and talking to Mom about it as I prepared my breakfast. As I pulled the protective covering of foil off of my tub of cream cheese, I began to cry and smile at the same time. This is why

God gave me a happy face! I believe God is sovreign over all things big and small. He loves me and this was a way to remind me to rejoice in Him all the time, no matter the circumstances. Thank you Father for this reminder :)

Mercy: Not getting what I deserve

Last night I was reading in my Bible, I'm in Luke right now. I have come to Jesus' arrest and trial. As I was reading about Him being mocked and beaten I became overwhelmed with what that meant. So often, I think we read scripture and we don't really engage our brains or hearts. I began to think about what Jesus endured. Mock: to treat with ridicule or contepmt; deride (thank you dictionary.com) They were doing this to Him. We don't know all they said or did but, we do know they blindfolded Him and then hit Him asking Him to tell them who hit Him. Oh, what He could have done to them! He didn't and it was for me. From the other gospels we know they spit on Him. Think about that...how offensive is that. What if someone were to spit on you? Even once. I gather they spit on Him over and over. All this was before Caiaphas the high priest...then He was sent to Pilate. After being questioned by Pilate, while the chief priests and crowd continually accused Him, Jesus was sent to Herod. Herod was excited, only because he wanted Jesus to perform a "sign". It would seem Herod was looking for some circus act so he could be entertained. Here Herod and his soldiers mocked Jesus. Think of all of this...being hit with fists, slapped, mocked, teased, having thorns pushed into your head, being spit on. Even one of these things is something I can't imagine having to endure but He did...for me. It should have been me being beaten, spit on, mocked, teased and we haven't even gotten to the crucifiction yet. All this done for me because He loved me, not only did Jesus love me but God the Father also. Our worship pastor recently talked about how God the Father has loved us all along. Jesus' death didn't result in God the Father's love for me. Jesus' death was because of the Father's love for me Yet I still sin over and over. I agree with Paul...I am a wretched man...a worm. I need to remember what Christ suffered for me, not just see it as words on a page. My heart is crying out "MARANATHA!!!!"

Something fun...

I stole from someone elses blog :) Enjoy, anyone want to join me?

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name) Kim Kavanaugh

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite candy) Joanne Snickers

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name) K Fit

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, name of high school) Koala Sahuaro

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Marie WashingtonDC

6. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of dad/mom, cell phone Company you use): Robert Cingular

7. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name) Fit-nch-dum

8. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left, favorite restaurant)Logitech Outback

The Glory of God's Creation....

right outside my front door. Each morning when I open my front door, my senses are assaulted, with color, scent and sound. I usually let the dog out around sunrise. When I open the door I hear the birds proclaiming the glory of God as the sun is rising. I see the pure white of the dogwood blossoms and various pinks and reds in the azalea bushes. Then to top it off, the light pink azalea, near our front door, is very fragrant. I will share pics here, I wish I could share the whole experience. Let all the creation praise the LORD!!!!
dogwoods taken from the front deck


close up of the dogwood blossoms

we have three azaleas this color

I so enjoy the scent of this bush!


baby gumballs (or moonmen if you are a Savary)

example of the flowers in my flower box...if I can keep the squirrels out...they are suppose to attract butterflies.
I hope you enjoyed the little tour of God's creation out my front door as much as I enjoy it each day.

Nini's Side of the Story

Judah is here!!! He arrived on March 10 at 5:11. What a long day it was, especially for Dawn. You can read the blow by blow of labor and delivery here http://www.spanishmorning.blogspot.com. I'm just going to write about some memories I'm taking away from watching my second daughter go through labor...

• The quiet. Autumn even woke me and Mom up with a whisper
• Getting dressed and gone in less than 10 minutes and trying to keep a very excited great-grandma quiet. Although now that I think back on it, Dawn was already in the car so we probably didn't have to whisper at that point
• Sort of getting lost at the hospital...Matt took a certain turn, I was following then the next thing I knew he had turned around and was gone. We finally figured out where we had to go to park
• Trying to get into the hospital :) We went to the main entrance but it was shut. We talked to someone over an intercom and eventually got in...it was funny but you had to be there I guess.
• Sort of getting lost in the emergency room on the way to get the exercise ball. "Is this the way we go? Um, no"
• The rain, then the clouds lifting so we could see the snow way down on the mountains. This is especially precious to me because it made me think of Hope at home getting ready to sing at her first youth retreat. She sang a verse about God's storehouses of snow :) I cried at the glory of it .
• Praying Dawn would get an epidural...no one knows about this. She was in such pain and had been laboring for so long. God eventually answered my prayer with a yes :)
• Matt dressing in his smurf suit :)
• "Going somewhere in a hellbasket" :D
• The decision for a c-section and not worrying...it was a good decision.
• Mom, Autumn and I adjusting our chairs so we could see down the hallway where we knew we would see Matt coming...he came a different way
• Closing the door to the room so Dawn wouldn't hear other women screaming
• Joy, Kim, Jen, Dawn's nurses they were all so good
• Saying "hi, Judah" when I first saw him and having him start to cry...not sure Matt will ever let me live that one down ;)
• Watching Matt with Judah, he is so.....natural and caring. He will be/is a great dad
• Last but not least and maybe most precious to me was watching Autumn help Dawn as she labored. Autumn knew what Dawn wanted in her labor and she did all she could to help her achieve that. I'm not sure I can even put into words what I observed. There was a tenderness, a sweetness.....maybe a bonding between sisters. It is a memory I will treasure. (Autumn, I get tears when I think about how much you needed to be there and God's provision for you to be there. You were wonderful!!!! I'm extrordinarily proud of you. I consider it a gift from the Lord to have witnessed the sweetness between you and your little sister. God is so good!!)

Okay, you can see pictures of Judah on Dawn's blog. I'm posting one of my favorites, not of Judah. There are some of Matt that I like too but I don't have permission to post those :)

A lightbulb moment

Those of you who read this know how fearful I am when it comes to flying. I'm flying to California in a week. I hate being afraid of flying...it is exhausting. This morning Richard asked me what he could pray for today. I told him that I was doing pretty well in dealing with my fear until I heard that Autumn had a bad flight yesterday. Since then it has been a horrible fight, in my mind. We talked a few minutes...actually he talked and I wasn't liking what he said. He was telling how to fix things...I was experiencing the Eve syndrome, you know, wanting to lord it over my husband and not have him tell me what to do. BUT GOD (aren't those wonderful words) intervened in my heart. Richard was telling me that I wasn't really dealing with my fear just simply repressing it until the day when I had a right to be fearful, that I was thinking wrong thoughts, even though they seemed the right thoughts and prayers even. He said to overcome the fear I needed to not deal with the fear but deal with God, which I thought I was doing. Then he said, what was so simple but so profound, that I need to come to a place where if I crash in a plane regardless of the result (life or death) that it is okay b/c that is what God wills. As I pondered this I started thinking about Jesus in the garden...He prayed for "this cup to pass but not my will but Thine" I don't know if Jesus was afraid in the garden but ultimately He wanted God's will. As I contemplated more I realized that if I truely want God's will and REALLY believe that He will only allow what is best for me, even if it is living through a plane crash and all that goes with that, then there is no room for fear. This is harder to put on "paper" than I thought it would be. Let me see...........If I really want God's will I won't be afraid. That still doesn't convey what is in my heart. It also has to do with trust and submission. Jesus completely trusted the Father and was totally submitted to Him. In my fear there is lack of trust and submission....yes, I get on the planes that I have to get on but my heart is still on the ground. I am needing to want God's will and submit to it, trusting that it is all good, no matter what...when I get to that place the fear will be gone because I will have replaced it with what is truely right. I want to be in that place...pray for me

I'm such a copycat :)

Click on each link and pick the words that best describe me. One list is positive traits the other is negative. Please be honest :)
negative
http://kevan.org/nohari?view=ehsnini

positive
http://kevan.org/johari?view=ehsnini

Happy Valentine's Day

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and share my flowers with all of you. I pray each of you will rejoice in the knowledge of the TRUE Lover of your soul.

Following Tracie and Autumn's lead

1. your first name

2. your middle name

3. your last name (maiden)

4. your last name (married)

5. age on next birthday

6. your favorite color



7. Place where you want to live



8. Place where you actually live



9. A habit that I have



10. Favorite food



11. Favorite animal



12. Religion



13. Dream job



This was time consuming but fun. I will warn you if you decide to do this...the pics that can come up are...shall we say, not always appropriate, so be careful :)

Election...by God

We have been doing a verse by verse study in Genesis, in Sunday School. This morning Todd brought up very interesting point. This is not word for word what he said but...

It is easier to read the old testament and accept God's choosing specific ones than to read the new testament and accept the doctrine of God's choosing specific ones. Examples: Jacob over Esau, Joseph over the other eleven, David over the other seven, even Israel over any other nation

I thought this was very interesting, not something I had ever thought about. Just thought I'd share it :)

Autumn asked...

"what is HE teaching you lately?" Well, a multitude of things, but the biggest/most prominent right now is about idols. The best definition I have ever heard for idol was:
"An idol is something I am willing to sin to get or willing to sin because I can't have it"
I've always heard and believed that idols could be anything...from a statue of a Buddha or a kachina doll to money/fame to people whether famous people or your children and/or spouse. I think I knew to that to be loved/accepted/important were also things that could be idols. I knew/know that ultimately every idol that a I/you have in our lives leads back to me/you. ( hope that makes sense) Over the last couple of days I have come to the realization, in my own life, that I am my own idol (that is very hard to admit). I did a lot of thinking and praying yesterday and came to the conclusion that the majority of what I do or don't do, I do for me...specifically my comfort and convenience. I am ashamed. I am asking God to make me truly repentant, to change my heart...to be honest these are scary prayers because they go against my desire for comfort and convenience. I don't think I have ever felt such a spiritual battle going on in my heart...it hurts but at the same time I know that God isn't going to leave me here...why else would He reveal this to me if He wasn't going to change me and make me ready for change. I'm standing on the promises that God is faithful, merciful and gracious. I'm thankful for His goodness in revealing myself to me. I pray I will continue to be open to His severe mercy.

A Tribute...

to my 19 year old nephew, Cory. He died this morning apparently from complications from pneumonia. Cory live at the Conway Human Developement Center in Conway. I just thought I would make a list of things I remember about him.

Snakes: He loved snakes, the rubber kind :) If you wanted him to look at a real one he wanted nothing to do with it because he was afraid of them. He got a box of snakes for Christmas, rubber ones :)

Handcuffs: He loved these too...not sure why.

He loved to help around the house...taking out the trash, clearing the table. He had a job in Conway, where he lived helping in restraunts clearing tables. He loved his job :) He helped Christmas day too, that was nice.

He loved his mom, Janet. He would follow her around the house like a puppy.

He loved his home, the Conway development center. It was structure for him so it was security. When he was here in Little Rock, he knew when he wanted to go home.

He enjoyed Dune, our dog, on Christmas day. Cory was sooo gentle with Dune, but you could tell he was like a little kid...he liked Dune so much he wanted to squeeze him...almost to death:)

His smile, Cory always had a smile ready. He also would come and pat people on the back in greeting.

Music: Cory loved to sing. When he would be visiting and would attend church he would join in the singing. He was also sensitive to music...Kenny G would make him cry

I'm sad Cory is gone. Cory was autistic and had other developmentle delays...he was about a 4 year old in a 19 year old body. I will miss him. I trust God that Cory is now perfect and worshipping our true and loving Lord....in song :)

Spiritual this and that

A couple of years ago Janet bought me a book called "The Valley of Vision". It is a book of prayers. I have sort of looked at it a few times but decided this year I was going to read a prayer a day. I want to share a couple of excerpts that have been meaningful to me.
Under the heading of "The Divine Will":
"If Thy mercy make me poor and vile, bless be thou!
Prayers arising from my needs are preparations for future mercies;
Help me to honor thee by believing before I feel, for great is the sin if I
make feeling a cause of faith."

There is another one, I was going to post but it is a whole prayer actually. I'm not sure if it is right(legal) to type the whole thing out in this venue. If you want to see it, let me know and I will e-mail it...that isn't so public and I think that would be okay.

I also would like to recommend another blog: http://girltalk.blogs.com/ It is the blog of Carolyn Mahaney and her girls. They are sometimes fun, sometimes practicle(spelling?) spiritually focused and down to earth (read, real). I'm enjoying that blog alot. They have some really good thoughts on fear.

These last several days have been exciting for me because God has given me a real desire to meet with Him each day and....I've been doing it. We serve such a wonderful, awesome God!!!

Christmas 2005 part 2

Ah, Christmas day :) It began actually Saturday evening. I made sure Richard, Hope and I showered Saturday so Matt, Dawn, Autumn and Andy could shower on Sunday morning. I was up early on Christmas to get ready for Jesus' Birthday Party (breakfast) This is a family tradition, that I actually had thought about stopping since it is sort of for little people but Dawn said it was one of her favorite traditions so we had it. I make 3 big pancakes, they represent God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. We use red syrup (Jesus' blood) whipped cream (we are cleasned as white as "snow") a big candle (Jesus is the light of the world) then little candles for each person (we reflect Jesus' light) It was a little nerve-wracking letting the little ones light their candle then try to put them in the "cake". The only one burned was ME :)
After breakfast it was time for presents (oh I forgot, we let the kids open presents from non-parents on Christmas eve, to save time on Christmas morning) Another tradition is we start with the youngest person and they get to open their presents while everyone watches, then the next oldest and so on. That way there is not really any present opening frenzy and people who enjoy watching others open presents get to do that. I hope to it helps teach us all to be less greedy and self-centered.
Next was time for church. The grandchildren all had yucky noses and Aut and Andy didn't feel great. As we were leaving Hope said she didn't feel well either, so they all stayed home. Church was good...as usual.
Now the real fun began, after church Richard was talking to some friends and found out they were without extended family for the holiday so he invited them to come eat with us. He is very thoughtful. I confess I wasn't thrilled at first...umm, did I make a comment earlier about learning to not be self-centered??? :) I got a lesson. (I must have hidden my frustration because he thanked me later for handling the situation so well. I say thank you LORD for putting the guard on my mouth) So we get home and Aut and Andy had straightened up the house (Thank you!!!!) I got to work on getting the tables set up (we had 28 for dinner), the sweet potatoe casserole started and checked the turkey. I need to mention I had debated whether to put the turkey in the oven before church or after since we were eating late. As you will find out, it was a good thing in went in before church. Mom and Dad came and Mom started helping in the kitchen...she is in charge of mashed potatoes, gravey, rolls. So we are working and about 2:30 I check the turkey again. It is beautiful and the little button thingy is popped up so it is ready :) I ask Mom if I should take it out or leave it in the oven to stay warm. As we debate that issue, there is an explosive sound outside and we loose power. Hence the good reason to have the turkey in the oven before church (God is SSSSOOOO in control, and I'm glad) I look at my mom and say "this is fun" That was a good response on my part because Christmas is pretty stressful for me. So we call people and tell them what happen and dinner may be delayed. I called the electric company and they say it will be between 4:20 and 5:20 before we have power restored. Richard says we should take what needs to be cooked to Mom's and finish cooking there then bring it back to our house. Which we do...20 after we are at Mom's Matt calls and says the power is back on :P Well, we stay and finish cooking everything, except the rolls, which we haul raw back to our house (this is the rolls third trip of the day :) ). We get home, get everything on the table and sit down. (When you have been cooking, there is nothing like sitting down). The meal was good, as usual, our family has really good cooks and we all help.
After dinner comes more presents, starting with the youngest. This is really chaotic. We still start with the youngest and go to the oldest. It seems the older we all get the harder it is to remember who was born when so who is next :) But we always seem to figure it out :) Soon after presents it it pie time, Dad's contribution to the day. He is the pie expert. Of course, none of us really have room but we eat it anyway and it is wonderful. Then of course everyone sits around like yard dogs. Well, the adults do, the kids play and rough house.
Soon, those who are not staying with us head home...rough housing kids make for sleepy kids :) It was a fun day, a spiritually growing day (for me), a stressful day, a noisy day but it wouldn't be Christmas any other way and I wouldn't want it any other way :)

Christmas 2005 Part 1

Well the house is very quiet now. Autumn and Andy and the grandchildren left the evening of New Years Day. Dawn and Matt left early the Monday after. My goodness it was a fun, busy two and a half weeks. Here are some memories

Dawn's baby shower: it is hard to believe just about 19 months ago we were having the bridal shower at the Shaver's home. It was a wonderful shower...good people, fun presents and great food.

Chuck E. Cheese with the grandchildren: Pizza, rides, games and tickets for prizes...need I say more. I told Erik that it will be a tradition to go to Chuck E. Cheese when they visit Nini :)

Sewing: This actually started at the beginning of December. I made Hope's Christmas dress...the top was to big so we shopped for a different top. It was fun to do with Autumn and Dawn, good to have thier opinions/help ;) Hope ended up wearing her Christmas dress on New Years day because she wasn't feeling well on Christmas day and stayed home with Aut/Andy and the kids. Then I made the grandchildren Christmas pjs. A gown for Hailey, that, may I say, looks beautiful on her and matching pants for Erik and Noah with green t-shirts. They all looked so cute. Christmas pjs are a family tradition :) Oh, and I got my Christmas present early... a new sewing machine :) Thanks, Hon!!

Christmas day....see Christmas 2005 part 2

Other little fun memories: playing shark with Hailey, being with the kids alone for a few minutes each morning, Erik coming out of the bedroom first thing in the morning, draped in his blanket (like a ghost) and me checking to see if the "blanket" would giggle then "finding" Erik in the blanket. Noah's giggle and big eyes, "yucky charms", "fute loops", "I get 1,2,3 m&ms" playing games, eating Aut's brownies (oh yum) listening to Andy play his guitar, cooking with Dawn, being teased and teasing Matt (I'm very gullible, aren't I Matt :) ) I could go on and on but real "normal" life has returned and I must wake "Sleeping Beauty". Will do part two later :)

Christmas

I'm going to try posting a picture of our tree. I hope it works. When I was growing up I couldn't imagine a tree without silver garland and silver icicles. Now I can't believe I thought I couldn't live without it :) I like our tree alot, especially our tree top. Unfortunately you can't see it really well in the picture. It is a crown of thorns, painted gold. It is really from Israel. It reminds me that the reason we have Christmas was so God could provide His own sacrifice for my sins.

We had our Christmas cantata last night and our worship pastor emphisized that it was because of Love that God sent His Son. Just because He loved us not because we had or have any love for God or because there is anything lovable about us. So as you make your preparations for Christmas...baking, decorating, buying, wrapping, enjoying lights and such remember it is all because of Jesus that we do this and it is all because of God's great love for us that we have this time of Christmas.

On a different note, but still part of my Christmas blessings this year, both of my daughters, their husbands and my three and 7/10 grandchildren will be here this week :) I'm very excited! It is going to be a very exciting Christmas, very lively too...25 or more people here on Christmas day. God is so good to me. My prayer is each of you recongize His goodness to you too :)

Merry Christmas to each of you!!!

Time for Thanks Giving

I was reading a post by one of the guys in our youth group and he was making a list of things he is thankful for. What a great idea. So here is mine and I'm challenging anyone who reads my blog to do the same. God is so good to us, lets praise Him for it!

1)First and formost I'm thankful for my Savior! Why would God choose me out of billions of people? I'm overwhelmed by His love

2)My husband, in so many ways he shows me the love of Christ by loving me when I am unlovable. Thank you Hon!!!

3)My three beautiful, wonderful girls (Autumn, Dawn and Hope). They challenge me, teach me and bring me much joy and pride

4)My 3 and 2/3 grandchildren (one will be coming in March) They make me smile and bring me joy. People said there is nothing like being a grandparent...they are right.

5)My parents, they are my good friends. They are examples of godly living

6)My mentor, Diane. She loves me enough to tell me the truth even though it might hurt...she knows it is for my good and Gods glory

7)My dear sweet freinds...there are several. God uses them to encourage me. They are His shoulder when I need to cry or His arms when I need a hug

8)My church...What a blessing our church is, that sounds very cliche' but I go to a unique church with incredible leadership

9)My extended family (bros, sister, sisters in law, sons in law) I'm so glad we are a close (for the most part) family

10)Last the material blessing from the Lord-my home, my van, daily provision of clothing and food, most of my wants, all of my needs

There are ten, I could go on and on...like I'm thankful for technology that allows me to talk to Autumn and Dawn daily. I think you get the point. God is beyond good and gracious to us. The fact that we awaken every morning with our heart beating and our lungs taking in air is His grace. Praise Him!!!!!

Another fun quiz

I really like Jane Austen novels so this really got my attention! "Which Jane Austen heroine are you?" I've only seen Sense and Sensability once so I'm going to have to watch it again to really get a picture of what this is saying but here are the results

You scored as Marianne Dashwood. You're Marianne Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! More dramatic and emotional than your sister Elinor, you have no trouble saying what you think and showing people how you feel about them. However, you usually know when to keep your mouth shut. Marianne Dashwood 95% Elinor Dashwood 80% Catherine Morland 75% Fanny Price 65% Elizabeth Bennet 60% Emma Woodhouse 60% Anne Elliot 45% Which Jane Austen heroine are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Some fun quizzes...

Okay, I'm getting addicted to these quizzes. Here are some results:

For the Yankee test: 55% (Dixie). Right on the Mason-Dixon Line
http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html

KEYS TO YOUR HEART QUIZ:
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self-centered
FUNKY INNER HAIR COLOR: WHITE
Classy, stylish, and eloquent.You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet

I'm going to shorten these answers...
I'm 80% average american
20% boyish, 80% girlish ( I'm glad of that!!)

Okay, last one, I need to go to bed. What do you all think?

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Hmmm, what to post about....

I never know what to post about. I was talking to Autumn today and told her about my fall center piece and she said I should post a picture of it, sooo here it is. Hope acutually did the flowers in the pumpkin basket. She did a great job!! She is very creative :)

I've done alot of Christmas shopping in the last week. I have finished my shopping for the Bruckman part of the family :) I'm very excited about the gifts for them. I have no idea about the Esparza part of the family...except I did get something for the baby, even though he/she won't be born by Christmas. I need to start wrapping presents or I'm going to have a ton to do at one time.

Autumn and the children were here...a week ago, they brought thier friends Angela and Aiden. I was so glad to meet one of Autumn's friends :) Aiden is just adorable. It is always great to see Erik, Hailey and Noah...I can't wait for Christmas because they will be back! I would post some more pics but Aut has posted about thier trip. (BTW, Angela, I saw the pic of your baked potato soup...YUUUMMM, it looks delicious) I won't be making soup here for awhile...we are suppose to be in the 80s this week. How crazy is that, in November :P

I do need to go eat something, haven't really eaten all day. Enjoy the post, Autumn :)