Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Couple of Things I Don't Want to Forget

This will be a short post but I want to post them so I don't forget them.

The morning of surgery Tim came to pray and read scripture with me before surgery. I honestly don't remember which scripture he read... I think it was Ps. 121 (just double checked with my hubby and it is Ps. 121) In the second verse it says "He will not let your foot be moved". Tim stopped and we all sort of giggled. Tim said he didn't think he had ever read that Psalm for a foot/ankle surgery :)

The other neat thing that happened involved my anesthesiologist. She and my nurse came in thinking Tim had already prayed, which he hadn't. Dr. Flaxman started talking about how they do a popliteal block. At a break in conversation Tim asked if he could pray. Dr. Flaxman apologized and said she thought we already had prayed and that yes, Tim could pray. I was thrilled when she laid her hands on my leg and prayed with us! After Tim prayed he and Richard had to leave the room so I could get my block done. As she was working I asked Dr. Flaxman if she was a believer. She said "No, actually I'm Jewish, but I believe in the power of prayer." My reaction was mixed. I felt a kindredship with this woman, knowing she believed in and prayed to the same God I believed in and prayed to but at the same time I felt a sadness knowing that she doesn't know Jesus, doesn't believe in the Messiah. Part of me wonders if she doesn't believe in Messiah, can she believe in the true God? I do know that at the time I was comforted by the fact that she believes in the power of prayer and being Jewish she believes in the God of the Old Testament... who is the God who doesn't change. How kind of God to bring me that comfort at that time.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Lessons Learned from the Couch....

no not the psychiatric couch :) from my living room couch. As most of you know I had surgery on my ankle to repair a tendon. The recovery has been much different than I expected. I knew I'd be on crutches but I didn't know I would be "non weight bearing" and "keep ankle elevated as much as possible" for almost three weeks. I didn't think about the fact when you are on crutches you need your hands to "crutch" along so you can't carry anything, unless you have pockets. Before surgery I had several friends offer to bring meals for Richard and I. My thoughts when they asked were "oh, it is just the two of us, not a big deal, you have your own family to tend to, etc." My words were, "Oh no, thanks we will be fine" Of course I thought I'd be up and around in a couple of days.
The Lessons: actually there are a few.
~Don't be prideful and refuse offers of help. This has been huge for me, not just because I refused offers of meals. I have had to have help in so many ways everyday. Richard has done most of it. I could brush my teeth, eat and go to the bathroom on my own. I couldn't fix meals (till I learned I could get around in a computer chair to get my lunch), shower or get dressed on my own. Cleaning the house, laundry....all that, out the window! (Side note: several years ago Matt wrote Dawn a poem entitled "The Life-ring" read it here It has helped me so much these last weeks) As I was on the couch contemplating my pride and thinking about how my pride was making more work for my poor husband I realized I had presumed I knew what the Lord had planned or maybe better worded would be I knew what *I* had planned.
~Don't think you know what is going to happen, the Lord is the one with the plan not you. Do I think I would have changed my response to the offers of help if I had known what would happen.... honestly I don't think so, to my shame. I hope now I would welcome and and all offers of help. Another thing the Lord revealed to me as a result of my pride was:
~I stole blessings from those I told "no" These people love me, wanted to help me, wanted to be the hands and feet of our Lord and I said no.... this is shameful. It was hard to go back and ask for forgiveness. Even then my pride reared its ugly head because I began to think "now they are thinking your are begging for meals and your asking forgiveness is just a way to get the meals" Oh our sin and our enemy are so horrid.... makes me long for heaven.
~TV is not a good companion There are so many channels and so many "good" shows on but they just waste time, breed discontent and make you hungry (if you watch food network :) ) and it doesn't keep you from being lonely. Listening to music and spending time with the Lord is so much better, I realize that is a given. Did I do well in this area? No. I did better than the last time I was stuck on the couch for an extended period of time but not as well as I would like. Wonder if anyone does DVD sermons. Going back to the being lonely...
~Remember those who are going through what I've been through I need to remember what it was like to be stuck on the couch and pick up the phone to call and chat, see if I can visit or send a card to those who have some reason to be stuck at home on the couch for a while. One sweet friend sent a couple of cards to me, they were such day brighteners!
~The sin that so easily besets us So yesterday I got the splint off. One would think I would be giddy with excitement... I was not. The splint was not comfortable. It was heavy and cumbersome. It wouldn't let me sleep well at night. It kept me from putting my foot down and having my weight distributed evenly on two legs. It kept me on crutches which made it hard to be balanced and easy to fall. But I got used to the splint. It became sort of a comfort to me because I knew that as long as I had the splint on my ankle was "safe". (in the short run that is true, but in the long run keeping the splint on would make more trouble) As I contemplated getting the splint off I thought about the verse Hebrews 12:1 (the sin that so easily besets us) and how much like clinging sin my splint was. I really didn't want to let go of the splint, I used to it, it brought some comfort mostly because I didn't know what it would be like to be rid of it. There was an element of fear in letting go. (This actually happened, somewhat, when I actually came to Christ initially) I didn't have a choice it was time for the splint to come off. My doctor put me in a cast... similar to a splint but I can walk in it. I'm still sort of working through and thinking about this lesson. I do know that as the splint represents sin I can become very used to/entangled in sin(especially the respectable ones). When the Lord says "it is time for this sin to come off" I can become anxious. I don't want to be that way, I want to be rid of my sin but honestly I like being comfortable. I'm so grateful we have a Lord/Shepherd who is gentle (unlike the ladies who took off my splint) who can remove our sin and help us walk in His way with His Holy Spirit guiding us.
This has been a bit of a hard journey for me but I'm so grateful to the Lord for His hand of grace and mercy through all of it. I'm not finished but I'm making progress because of Him :)