A Couple of Things I Don't Want to Forget

This will be a short post but I want to post them so I don't forget them.

The morning of surgery Tim came to pray and read scripture with me before surgery. I honestly don't remember which scripture he read... I think it was Ps. 121 (just double checked with my hubby and it is Ps. 121) In the second verse it says "He will not let your foot be moved". Tim stopped and we all sort of giggled. Tim said he didn't think he had ever read that Psalm for a foot/ankle surgery :)

The other neat thing that happened involved my anesthesiologist. She and my nurse came in thinking Tim had already prayed, which he hadn't. Dr. Flaxman started talking about how they do a popliteal block. At a break in conversation Tim asked if he could pray. Dr. Flaxman apologized and said she thought we already had prayed and that yes, Tim could pray. I was thrilled when she laid her hands on my leg and prayed with us! After Tim prayed he and Richard had to leave the room so I could get my block done. As she was working I asked Dr. Flaxman if she was a believer. She said "No, actually I'm Jewish, but I believe in the power of prayer." My reaction was mixed. I felt a kindredship with this woman, knowing she believed in and prayed to the same God I believed in and prayed to but at the same time I felt a sadness knowing that she doesn't know Jesus, doesn't believe in the Messiah. Part of me wonders if she doesn't believe in Messiah, can she believe in the true God? I do know that at the time I was comforted by the fact that she believes in the power of prayer and being Jewish she believes in the God of the Old Testament... who is the God who doesn't change. How kind of God to bring me that comfort at that time.

Lessons Learned from the Couch....

no not the psychiatric couch :) from my living room couch. As most of you know I had surgery on my ankle to repair a tendon. The recovery has been much different than I expected. I knew I'd be on crutches but I didn't know I would be "non weight bearing" and "keep ankle elevated as much as possible" for almost three weeks. I didn't think about the fact when you are on crutches you need your hands to "crutch" along so you can't carry anything, unless you have pockets. Before surgery I had several friends offer to bring meals for Richard and I. My thoughts when they asked were "oh, it is just the two of us, not a big deal, you have your own family to tend to, etc." My words were, "Oh no, thanks we will be fine" Of course I thought I'd be up and around in a couple of days.

The Lessons: actually there are a few.

~Don't be prideful and refuse offers of help. This has been huge for me, not just because I refused offers of meals. I have had to have help in so many ways everyday. Richard has done most of it. I could brush my teeth, eat and go to the bathroom on my own. I couldn't fix meals (till I learned I could get around in a computer chair to get my lunch), shower or get dressed on my own. Cleaning the house, laundry....all that, out the window! (Side note: several years ago Matt wrote Dawn a poem entitled "The Life-ring" read it here It has helped me so much these last weeks) As I was on the couch contemplating my pride and thinking about how my pride was making more work for my poor husband I realized I had presumed I knew what the Lord had planned or maybe better worded would be I knew what *I* had planned.

~Don't think you know what is going to happen, the Lord is the one with the plan not you. Do I think I would have changed my response to the offers of help if I had known what would happen.... honestly I don't think so, to my shame. I hope now I would welcome and and all offers of help. Another thing the Lord revealed to me as a result of my pride was:

~I stole blessings from those I told "no" These people love me, wanted to help me, wanted to be the hands and feet of our Lord and I said no.... this is shameful. It was hard to go back and ask for forgiveness. Even then my pride reared its ugly head because I began to think "now they are thinking your are begging for meals and your asking forgiveness is just a way to get the meals" Oh our sin and our enemy are so horrid.... makes me long for heaven.

~TV is not a good companion There are so many channels and so many "good" shows on but they just waste time, breed discontent and make you hungry (if you watch food network :) ) and it doesn't keep you from being lonely. Listening to music and spending time with the Lord is so much better, I realize that is a given. Did I do well in this area? No. I did better than the last time I was stuck on the couch for an extended period of time but not as well as I would like. Wonder if anyone does DVD sermons. Going back to the being lonely...

~Remember those who are going through what I've been through I need to remember what it was like to be stuck on the couch and pick up the phone to call and chat, see if I can visit or send a card to those who have some reason to be stuck at home on the couch for a while. One sweet friend sent a couple of cards to me, they were such day brighteners!

~The sin that so easily besets us So yesterday I got the splint off. One would think I would be giddy with excitement... I was not. The splint was not comfortable. It was heavy and cumbersome. It wouldn't let me sleep well at night. It kept me from putting my foot down and having my weight distributed evenly on two legs. It kept me on crutches which made it hard to be balanced and easy to fall. But I got used to the splint. It became sort of a comfort to me because I knew that as long as I had the splint on my ankle was "safe". (in the short run that is true, but in the long run keeping the splint on would make more trouble) As I contemplated getting the splint off I thought about the verse Hebrews 12:1 (the sin that so easily besets us) and how much like clinging sin my splint was. I really didn't want to let go of the splint, I used to it, it brought some comfort mostly because I didn't know what it would be like to be rid of it. There was an element of fear in letting go. (This actually happened, somewhat, when I actually came to Christ initially) I didn't have a choice it was time for the splint to come off. My doctor put me in a cast... similar to a splint but I can walk in it. I'm still sort of working through and thinking about this lesson. I do know that as the splint represents sin I can become very used to/entangled in sin(especially the respectable ones). When the Lord says "it is time for this sin to come off" I can become anxious. I don't want to be that way, I want to be rid of my sin but honestly I like being comfortable. I'm so grateful we have a Lord/Shepherd who is gentle (unlike the ladies who took off my splint) who can remove our sin and help us walk in His way with His Holy Spirit guiding us.

This has been a bit of a hard journey for me but I'm so grateful to the Lord for His hand of grace and mercy through all of it. I'm not finished but I'm making progress because of Him :)

Hope is.....

Encouraging

Imaginative

Gregarious

Happy

Talented

Enthusiastic

Exuberant

Nice

Did I just "say" that?? The time has flown. I recently heard a saying that is so true..."The days are long, the years are short" I would add too short! This was eighteen years ago today (9/15):

obviously Hope isn't the only one who has changed :)

This is where we were one month ago today.... van packed and ready to move her to California to start college

Hope has grown into a beautiful young woman. She loves the Lord and seeks to do His will. I'm so proud of her and grateful to the Lord to call her my daughter, sister and friend.

I love you, Hope! Happy Birthday

Life

Sometimes life is really hard and emotions get the best of me. Now is one of those times. This past weekend was difficult.

~A sweet young couple, who I've known since forever, the wife was a good friend of my daughter since jr. high (?), lost their little boy. She was around 37 weeks pregnant. I can.not imagine what they are going through. I can.not imagine leaving the hospital with empty arms. In the last 18 months to two years I've heard about too many babies dying before they are born. I hurt for those mommas and daddies. Such pain, but I know these families know the Lord so there is grace and hope.... I pray they have peace and comfort. I know God is good.... regardless of life circumstances.

~Yesterday at church was the most stunning announcement of my life (maybe). Our worship/missions pastor, who I have known for 25 years is leaving our church. It is for good reasons. He and his sweet wife want to care for her parents in their old age. They live in Florida. In the last several years we have so many changes in our pastoral staff. I am learning I don't like change (does that make me old?) Todd and Tandy leaving is most painful. I can't even explain it. I don't want to be selfish but where else does the pain come from? Todd and Tandy's last Sunday is TWO days before we leave to take Hope to college....another hard change!

~Also, during church yesterday the Lord revealed an area of pride in my life. I have felt offended by someone in our church. It is all me. This person, I think, would be sad to know that they would do anything offend me. Honestly all they are doing is living their life and I struggle with being left out of it. Shameful, prideful isn't it? I'm praying and begging the Lord to change my heart toward this person. I don't think it is something I need to go to them about because like I said it is my heart issue. I believe the Lord will change my heart, I know He doesn't want me to stay where I am.

I'm so glad He is the God who does not change and that He is the God who can change me. I trust that in all that has happened this weekend and all that I've had to think about this weekend He will use to change me more into the image of His son and for His glory.

Scatter 2011

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I want to get at least some of it out before I forget... as if I could.

~We have amazing youth! They are so eager to share the Gospel. It was most evident at the boys and girls club. Every time I would look around the room I would see at least one of our kids going over a tract or with an open Bible talking to one of the children. But they not only shared the gospel they played hard with the kids we were ministering too, regardless of the horrible heat. The way they played you would never know it was hot as the blazes and they did not complain. They would drink their water or their gatorade and get up and go again. They are amazing.

~In the backyard bible club I was a part of Jeffery Davidson was the teacher. He did a wonderful job. He explained things so well. I'm sure the children understand what falling short of the goal means :)

~It was a joy to get to know some youth I don't/didn't know. My day team and night teams were a lot of fun

~I learned I really am a mom, not a youth leader and that is okay. I think on mission trip they might need some moms :)

~I heard later that some of the kids (especially the older ones) weren't terribly appreciative of the constant reminders to drink water/gatorade and to get in the shade to cool off some. To them I say (not that they read my blog) "It is a mom thing. We really have your best interest at heart. I tried to only ask if you were looking especially sweaty or red in the face. I'm sorry if you felt nagged but I really was trying to look out for you"

~We have incredible cooks in our church. The care groups provided dinner for us each night. Each meal was so tasty. Thank you for your service to our team.

~For those who worked behind the scenes, some I'm aware of, some I am not, thank you for your hard work to prepare all that needed to be prepared: paper work, maps, lunches, shopping for supplies, everything.

~Please pray! Pray for the children who heard the gospel, that the seed planted would come to fruition. Pray for our team members who went on to do the Louisiana trip this week, for strength both physical and spiritual. Pray also that we won't lose the desire to share the gospel but that it will increase.

This seems short for all I feel but there comes a point where words don't come any more. I praise the Lord for allowing me to be a part of this trip. I trust He has been glorified.

How the Casey Anthony Verdict Affected Me

It has been a long time since I blogged. Sorry to my 7 followers.

So the Casey Anthony trial, I didn't watch it, didn't really keep up with it, till the end. We were in Orlando the last week of the trial and since the trial was in Orlando it was all over the TV. I really didn't watch it but the little bit I saw I found interesting, in a very sad way. I did watch the verdict. When the Clerk of the Court read the verdict (they read a count then the verdict, second count verdict and so on) I was shocked at the not guilty charges. But the Lord had something else in store for me. After the Clerk of the Court reads the verdict, they then pole the jury to be sure each juror is given the opportunity to say yes that is what they said. THEN the Clerk of the Court hands the verdict to the JUDGE. He calls the defendant (Casey) to the bench with a couple of her lawyers. The JUDGE then reads each count, the juries verdict then he says (in the case of the not guilty verdicts) "THIS COURT FINDS YOU NOT GUILTY" I wept, I weep now, not because I don't really agree with the verdict but because I see that is how the Lord deals with me. I stand before the holy, blameless, righteous JUDGE and He says "This court finds you not guilty". I stand knowing I am guilty and yet He is saying I'm not... more than that He says it not because I'm not guilty but because I am but my penalty has been paid. I was overwhelmed with the scene. I pray that I will never forget that court scene and what the Lord taught me through that. As far as Casey Anthony is concerned, I'm not her judge, what I think about her is not important. I know that one day she will meet THE JUDGE. I pray that when that day comes He will say "this court finds you not guilty" because she has had her guilt removed by the blood of Christ. Who knew the lesson you could learn from watching the verdict of a trial read. I'm grateful.

First post of the year... I may ramble

It has been a month since I have blogged. I have a lot of thoughts that I have been considering blogging but it is all just little snips here and there, maybe not blog-worthy. But as I posted before, maybe it doesn't matter.

First of all I've heard so many people say they are excited about 2011. Can I be honest? I've dreaded it, to an extent. I cried New Year's Eve and New Year's day. I didn't want it to be 2011. I prayed and I told the Lord I knew it had to come but I really didn't want it to. I sit here blogging about this year, with tears. "Why?" you ask? Since the day I started homeschooling Hope I knew she would graduate in the year 2011. Class of '11, whoo hoo!! I can. not. believe. it. is. here. I know this is good. I know God will give me strength. I know not to borrow trouble from tomorrow. But I am sad!!! I know I will always be "Momma" to my girls and I'm glad, but part of my life, a big part, is about over. Don't people grieve when they retire? It will be different, esp. in August, when she goes to school. I know what I want to do after she goes to school and I look forward to it. (Gosh, this really is rambling. I just need to get these thoughts out. Glad I'm not being graded :D ) I know she will be okay at school. I was talking to someone recently and I told them I think as a homeschooler I have a different relationship with Hope. I was sad when Autumn and Dawn went to college. I cried at their graduations and when we left them at college but having homeschooled Hope, I think it is a different dynamic. While I am her mother, we are also friends. I wasn't so much friends with Autumn and Dawn. (Thankfully I am friends with them now :) ) I know that we can still be friends, even better friends but ..... maybe I'm rambling because I don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words. I'm so glad to know that I belong to a God who is so much bigger than me or my emotions and I know He will provide all I need to not just endure this year but to get through it and bring Him glory at the same time. Which sort of leads to the next subject....

Resolutions, so many people make them... and break them. I like the term goals instead. A goal is something you reach for, work toward and hopefully reach. A goal can't be broken, if you falter, you haven't failed, you pick up and keep going, picking up where you left off. I read on a blog (sorry, I don't remember which one) that the blogger was going to set 5 goals per month. I think that is a good idea. I'm going to set one big goal and that is to set 5 goals per month each month this year. I hope to post them here around the first of each month. Any of my (2?) readers are welcome to ask me how I'm doing... sort of an accountability thing. My goals for January are: 1) Read at least a portion of scripture every day, even Sunday(for me it is easy to say "I went to church, I don't need to read on my own")

2) Ride the stationary bike or walk 15 minutes a day 5 days a week(this is based on my health, meaning, if I don't start coughing again)

3) Track my food intake in my food journal daily

4) Make the robe I've had fabric for for over a year

5) Read A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

So there you have them. I need to list them and post them some where in my house so I don't forget I'm working toward them. This is really the first time I've done something like this, I'm a bit excited and a little apprehensive.

One more thing. I was reading in Luke the other day, the story of the 1o lepers that Jesus healed. Only one came back to express thanks and he was a samaritan. At the end of the exchange Jesus says "your faith has made you well." I had a couple thoughts/questions. 1) Did the other lepers remain healed? 2)Is there a connection between gratitude and faith? Does thankfulness to God express faith in God. I know that we are (should be) grateful to the Lord for all He has done, the faith He has given us, the call He has made on our lives, etc. I just find it interesting that it is after the samaritan expresses gratitude for his healing that Jesus tells him that his faith has made him well. Any thoughts?

Well, if you have made it this far.... thanks for reading. I really would like your thoughts, if you care to share them :)