Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A lightbulb moment

Those of you who read this know how fearful I am when it comes to flying. I'm flying to California in a week. I hate being afraid of flying...it is exhausting. This morning Richard asked me what he could pray for today. I told him that I was doing pretty well in dealing with my fear until I heard that Autumn had a bad flight yesterday. Since then it has been a horrible fight, in my mind. We talked a few minutes...actually he talked and I wasn't liking what he said. He was telling how to fix things...I was experiencing the Eve syndrome, you know, wanting to lord it over my husband and not have him tell me what to do. BUT GOD (aren't those wonderful words) intervened in my heart. Richard was telling me that I wasn't really dealing with my fear just simply repressing it until the day when I had a right to be fearful, that I was thinking wrong thoughts, even though they seemed the right thoughts and prayers even. He said to overcome the fear I needed to not deal with the fear but deal with God, which I thought I was doing. Then he said, what was so simple but so profound, that I need to come to a place where if I crash in a plane regardless of the result (life or death) that it is okay b/c that is what God wills. As I pondered this I started thinking about Jesus in the garden...He prayed for "this cup to pass but not my will but Thine" I don't know if Jesus was afraid in the garden but ultimately He wanted God's will. As I contemplated more I realized that if I truely want God's will and REALLY believe that He will only allow what is best for me, even if it is living through a plane crash and all that goes with that, then there is no room for fear. This is harder to put on "paper" than I thought it would be. Let me see...........If I really want God's will I won't be afraid. That still doesn't convey what is in my heart. It also has to do with trust and submission. Jesus completely trusted the Father and was totally submitted to Him. In my fear there is lack of trust and submission....yes, I get on the planes that I have to get on but my heart is still on the ground. I am needing to want God's will and submit to it, trusting that it is all good, no matter what...when I get to that place the fear will be gone because I will have replaced it with what is truely right. I want to be in that place...pray for me

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I'm such a copycat :)

Click on each link and pick the words that best describe me. One list is positive traits the other is negative. Please be honest :)


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and share my flowers with all of you. I pray each of you will rejoice in the knowledge of the TRUE Lover of your soul.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Following Tracie and Autumn's lead

1. your first name

2. your middle name

3. your last name (maiden)

4. your last name (married)

5. age on next birthday

6. your favorite color

7. Place where you want to live

8. Place where you actually live

9. A habit that I have

10. Favorite food

11. Favorite animal

12. Religion

13. Dream job

This was time consuming but fun. I will warn you if you decide to do this...the pics that can come up are...shall we say, not always appropriate, so be careful :)

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Election...by God

We have been doing a verse by verse study in Genesis, in Sunday School. This morning Todd brought up very interesting point. This is not word for word what he said but...

It is easier to read the old testament and accept God's choosing specific ones than to read the new testament and accept the doctrine of God's choosing specific ones. Examples: Jacob over Esau, Joseph over the other eleven, David over the other seven, even Israel over any other nation

I thought this was very interesting, not something I had ever thought about. Just thought I'd share it :)

Friday, February 03, 2006

Autumn asked...

"what is HE teaching you lately?" Well, a multitude of things, but the biggest/most prominent right now is about idols. The best definition I have ever heard for idol was:
"An idol is something I am willing to sin to get or willing to sin because I can't have it"
I've always heard and believed that idols could be anything...from a statue of a Buddha or a kachina doll to money/fame to people whether famous people or your children and/or spouse. I think I knew to that to be loved/accepted/important were also things that could be idols. I knew/know that ultimately every idol that a I/you have in our lives leads back to me/you. ( hope that makes sense) Over the last couple of days I have come to the realization, in my own life, that I am my own idol (that is very hard to admit). I did a lot of thinking and praying yesterday and came to the conclusion that the majority of what I do or don't do, I do for me...specifically my comfort and convenience. I am ashamed. I am asking God to make me truly repentant, to change my heart...to be honest these are scary prayers because they go against my desire for comfort and convenience. I don't think I have ever felt such a spiritual battle going on in my heart...it hurts but at the same time I know that God isn't going to leave me here...why else would He reveal this to me if He wasn't going to change me and make me ready for change. I'm standing on the promises that God is faithful, merciful and gracious. I'm thankful for His goodness in revealing myself to me. I pray I will continue to be open to His severe mercy.