Saturday, February 11, 2012

Idols of the Heart

I debated a couple of days whether I was going to blog about this or not.  Sometimes I wonder about blogging... why do we do it?  I'm doing this in hopes that maybe it will help someone else and maybe to remind me (I pray, Lord, I don't need to be reminded).

This week the Lord, in His infinite kindness, revealed an idol that I had in my heart.  I didn't know it was there, had no clue.... well, I began wondering about it in November but not in the context of it being an idol just something I "should probably think about giving up".  As you my sweet readers (3 or 4 of you) know I'm very fearful of flying... very fearful.  I always ask for prayer before I fly, though I'm never very specific about what to pray.  I pray before I fly and while I'm flying.  I try to focus on the Lord and take every thought captive, like we are taught to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5.  The Lord has been VERY gracious and has brought me to the point of being able to stay pleasant toward my family members as it gets closer to time to fly... I'm talking the weeks leading up to flying, especially the week prior.  It used to get very ugly around our house, well, let's say, I used to get very ugly.  Well many years ago it got so bad that I began taking Valium to fly.  I had talked to a pastor who I respect and asked what he thought about my taking the Valium.  He said if I needed that to be able to pray, without sinning (I guess telling God what to do is not the way to pray, i.e.  "get me on the ground, now".  I praise Him for NOT answering that particular prayer... yes I have really prayed that)  Anyway, so I kept taking the Valium.  Now, in November I had the thought, "you really shouldn't take the Valium to fly because your trusting in it not in the Lord."  Well, I swept that thought a way as quick as I could blink... are. you. kidding. me!!!!  We were planning a trip to see our Special Maryland Five in December.  The thought of giving up the ido... I mean the Valium came to me several times but I always brushed the thought away.  At the end of November I had an appointment with my doctor.... did I need any refills?  Oh, yes we are flying in December could I get some more Valium?  Of course! :)  So we went to Maryland and I had my Valium.

So, what happened this week?  The thoughts from November became a conviction from the strangest of places.  I wasn't thinking about flying or anything of the sort.  I was reading a transcript from Revive Our Hearts (a ministry of Nancy Leigh DeMossAsherim), I opened the bottle and I put those pills in the garbage disposal and I told the Lord that it was for Him that I did that.  I have no regrets. None.  Am I nervous about our trip? Yes but not fearful, not paralyzed.  I know that by God's grace, which is lavish, I will get on the plane un-medicated.  I am looking forward to see how the Lord is going to work.  God is so good, so kind, so patient.  So many times I think the Lord will only work through tragic means to teach me things... I don't know why I think that, He never really has.  I'm so thankful that though this was hard, He was so gentle with me.  Thank you, Father.  You truly are a great and might God... the only God.


Journey of Joy said...

I'm putting your next flight dates on the calendar and will be praying in the days leading up to those. What you did took great courage and trust, both gifts from the God who revealed all this to you. Praise the Lord! What a kindness that He brought you to this point! I'm also thinking that you will probably be much more able to discern the ministering of the Spirit to you before & during your flight if you're Valium-free. I'm praying that you will remember what you've kept reminding me of: the grace that you will need then will appear then. Keep continually giving this over to Him! Love you!!

boo4baby said...

I, too, have put them on my calendar in order to "hold up your arms" in this stretching time of your life. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this. We all have our idols that we tend to cling to and your post reminds me to "flush them" or "pour them down the drain" and turn to the Lord fully and completely, depending on Him. Love you, friend! I will continue to pray for you in this.