I debated a couple of days whether I was going to blog about this or not. Sometimes I wonder about blogging... why do we do it? I'm doing this in hopes that maybe it will help someone else and maybe to remind me (I pray, Lord, I don't need to be reminded).
This week the Lord, in His infinite kindness, revealed an idol that I had in my heart. I didn't know it was there, had no clue.... well, I began wondering about it in November but not in the context of it being an idol just something I "should probably think about giving up". As you my sweet readers (3 or 4 of you) know I'm very fearful of flying... very fearful. I always ask for prayer before I fly, though I'm never very specific about what to pray. I pray before I fly and while I'm flying. I try to focus on the Lord and take every thought captive, like we are taught to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5. The Lord has been VERY gracious and has brought me to the point of being able to stay pleasant toward my family members as it gets closer to time to fly... I'm talking the weeks leading up to flying, especially the week prior. It used to get very ugly around our house, well, let's say, I used to get very ugly. Well many years ago it got so bad that I began taking Valium to fly. I had talked to a pastor who I respect and asked what he thought about my taking the Valium. He said if I needed that to be able to pray, without sinning (I guess telling God what to do is not the way to pray, i.e. "get me on the ground, now". I praise Him for NOT answering that particular prayer... yes I have really prayed that) Anyway, so I kept taking the Valium. Now, in November I had the thought, "you really shouldn't take the Valium to fly because your trusting in it not in the Lord." Well, I swept that thought a way as quick as I could blink... are. you. kidding. me!!!! We were planning a trip to see our Special Maryland Five in December. The thought of giving up the ido... I mean the Valium came to me several times but I always brushed the thought away. At the end of November I had an appointment with my doctor.... did I need any refills? Oh, yes we are flying in December could I get some more Valium? Of course! :) So we went to Maryland and I had my Valium.
So, what happened this week? The thoughts from November became a conviction from the strangest of places. I wasn't thinking about flying or anything of the sort. I was reading a transcript from Revive Our Hearts (a ministry of Nancy Leigh DeMossAsherim), I opened the bottle and I put those pills in the garbage disposal and I told the Lord that it was for Him that I did that. I have no regrets. None. Am I nervous about our trip? Yes but not fearful, not paralyzed. I know that by God's grace, which is lavish, I will get on the plane un-medicated. I am looking forward to see how the Lord is going to work. God is so good, so kind, so patient. So many times I think the Lord will only work through tragic means to teach me things... I don't know why I think that, He never really has. I'm so thankful that though this was hard, He was so gentle with me. Thank you, Father. You truly are a great and might God... the only God.