A lightbulb moment

Those of you who read this know how fearful I am when it comes to flying. I'm flying to California in a week. I hate being afraid of flying...it is exhausting. This morning Richard asked me what he could pray for today. I told him that I was doing pretty well in dealing with my fear until I heard that Autumn had a bad flight yesterday. Since then it has been a horrible fight, in my mind. We talked a few minutes...actually he talked and I wasn't liking what he said. He was telling how to fix things...I was experiencing the Eve syndrome, you know, wanting to lord it over my husband and not have him tell me what to do. BUT GOD (aren't those wonderful words) intervened in my heart. Richard was telling me that I wasn't really dealing with my fear just simply repressing it until the day when I had a right to be fearful, that I was thinking wrong thoughts, even though they seemed the right thoughts and prayers even. He said to overcome the fear I needed to not deal with the fear but deal with God, which I thought I was doing. Then he said, what was so simple but so profound, that I need to come to a place where if I crash in a plane regardless of the result (life or death) that it is okay b/c that is what God wills. As I pondered this I started thinking about Jesus in the garden...He prayed for "this cup to pass but not my will but Thine" I don't know if Jesus was afraid in the garden but ultimately He wanted God's will. As I contemplated more I realized that if I truely want God's will and REALLY believe that He will only allow what is best for me, even if it is living through a plane crash and all that goes with that, then there is no room for fear. This is harder to put on "paper" than I thought it would be. Let me see...........If I really want God's will I won't be afraid. That still doesn't convey what is in my heart. It also has to do with trust and submission. Jesus completely trusted the Father and was totally submitted to Him. In my fear there is lack of trust and submission....yes, I get on the planes that I have to get on but my heart is still on the ground. I am needing to want God's will and submit to it, trusting that it is all good, no matter what...when I get to that place the fear will be gone because I will have replaced it with what is truely right. I want to be in that place...pray for me